When Aunty was much younger, it was fashionable to have pencil thin eyebrows so I started to reduce my forest, one painful hair at a time. I got a bit carried away and glanced up at the mirror to find the right side was extremely thin and there was nothing left on the left side. My eyebrows never really recovered from that plucking and, unfortunately for me, it is now fashionable to have nice, thick, bushy jobs.
I also had a run in with a gas oven which destroyed what was left of my thinning eyebrows. I was baking a cake and turned the gas on to the required temperature. The phone rang and I forgot about the oven. After a few minutes had hissed by, I remembered the gas. I should have turned off the supply and opened the windows and doors but I was young and not that smart. I remembered reading somewhere that you have to ignite the gas after turning it on as quickly as possible. I pressed the ignition button. With a hot whoosh, I had no eyebrows or eyelashes left. They took ages to grow back.
My partner’s brows are nice and thick and are now coming in white as snow. He likes the white ones plucked out. I tell him if he takes out too many, his eyebrows will look like mine do, all skinny and pathetic. One day, there will be more white ones than black ones and that is absolutely fine. He could dye them, I suppose. My sister dyes and tattoos hers. The first time she had them done, she looked like Groucho Marx’ twin. She kept wiggling her imaginary cigar up and down which added to the funny picture. Thankfully, her brows did fade over time.
Three valuable life lessons here. Number one, never light a gas oven if the gas has been flowing for a few minutes and never peer into the oven while you light it. Number two, don’t be too vain. Does it really matter how groomed your eyebrows are? Does their bushiness make you a nicer human being? Number three, treat yourself professional job if your budget will stretch to this – they know what they are doing. Don’t pluck your eyebrows too much.